Paraprosdokian Sentences

Paraprosdokian Sentences: A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.  It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.  

Here are some examples that made me smile:

         I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

         I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.  Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

        The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it's still on the list.

         Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

         If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

         We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

         War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

          Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

         The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

         Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

         To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

         A bus station is where a bus stops.  A train station is where a train stops.  My desk is a work station.

         I thought I wanted a job; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

         Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "if an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

         I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

         Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

         Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

         A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

         You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

         A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

         Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

         Some cause happiness wherever they go.  Others whenever they go.

         I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not so sure.

         When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

         You're never too old to learn something stupid.

         Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

         Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Paraprosdokian sentences and phrases are quite entertaining.  The ones above are more of jokes, but that is what makes them so fun!  Try writing some of your own!