How to survive in a Horror Movie:

     If you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie, just follow these simple rules to get yourself alive through the credits.
 
While in a bathroom:
 
Never close behind you or open the shower curtain.  I’ll solve the mystery – there is a murderer behind it, or soon will be.  Keep it open to protect yourself. 
 
Do not keep any electronic devices in or near the bathroom, especially old-fashioned radios or faulty hair dryers.  The murderer will throw it into the tub with you and electrocute you.  You will die.
 
NEVER POOP AGAIN.  People die on the crapper.  Proven fact.  Not everybody poops.

While in a secluded cabin in the woods:
 
What the HELL are you doing there?!  The police may not be able to find you, but the psychopath sure will.  Get out while you still can!
 

When wandering around outside in the dark:
 
Be protected.  Carry a weapon and flashlight at all times.
 
Don’t make too much noise.
 
If you are with someone, DON’T split up.  One of you will die shortly anyway, no need to have a startling reunion with your boyfriend’s lifeless body ten minutes later.
 
If your dog runs off into the wood, let him go and plan on getting a fish next time around.  Spot didn’t stand a chance.  Do not go looking for him or call out for him.  This will only bring about unnecessary panic when you alert to the murder of your location.  You can search for Spot’s body tomorrow to give him a proper funeral.

While in the basement: (Another stupid place to be, but if you must…)

Preferably tell someone that you are going down there.  Bring a flashlight with new and working batteries and a fully loaded gun.  Turn the lights on, and if they have already been “taken out,” turn back IMMEDIATELY.

While in your house:
 
Stay in the house unless you know the killer is already inside with you.  (Don’t explore the yard or go for a joy ride.  Your breaks have probably been cut anyway.)
 
Don’t open any closets. 
 
Stay in open areas with the doors in sight at all times.
 
Don’t answer your phone.  The murder is in your house, so get your ass out.
 
Don’t go into the garage.  You won’t come out in one piece.
 
Don’t get anyone else involved unless you don’t mind finding their mangled body later.
 

     I wish you luck if you should ever find yourself in a situation such as this.  As terrifying as it may be, if you die by not following any of the above instructions, that is really your fault and no jury would convict the killer if he was ever caught.  Don’t be stupid.